I have just discovered the true meaning of the words mind-numbing and tedious. Three hours watching a company of actors sing their dialogue at each other while swinging from a barricade or spinning around on a revolving stage drove me to the very edge of reason.
On Wednesday afternoon my partner and I attended a matinee performance of Les Misérables at the Queen's Theatre, Shaftesbury Avenue.
I have no intention of denigrating actors, whom, for the most part, were very good. This was not a bad performance. (Believe me, I've seen some bad West End performances!) No, the sets of Les Misérables are spectacular, the lighting wonderful, the energy of the whole cast excellent.
It goes much deeper than that.
Actors can only work with the material they have. So, where was the characterisation, the irony, the subtext. Everything appeared bogus. Fake. Every scintilla of emotion drained from the original work. But that's hardly surprising when you think about it. The late Jack Tinker of the Daily Mail doubted the wisdom of trying to condense 1200 pages of novel into three and a half hours of stage time (now thankfully reduced to three hours) and wrote that 'it was like attempting to pour the entire contents of the English Channel through a china teapot.'
After three long hours I had no idea what the story was about. Jean Valjean is released from a chain gang after serving 19 years, does this that and the other between songs, including fighting at the barricades (I think) and rescuing somebody before pegging out at a ripe old age. And all this is accomplished between song after song after endless song. Honestly, I've tried to be fair and explain the plot as it unfolded in front of me (or didn't) and I haven't got a clue. Does that make me a thick Philistine? Maybe, but that's probably the subject of another blog. I thought it was about the French Revolution. My wife, who loved the whole thing and didn't stop talking about it on the journey back to Wimbledon, also thought it was about the the French Revolution, as did many people I overheard chatting about the performance as we made our way out of the theatre.
How can so many people get the essence of the plot so totally wrong? It is NOT about the French Revolution!
I'll tell you why so many people get it wrong. It's the sheer, unmitigated boredom brought on by stilted dialogue, shallow characterisation and lack of wit. I fidgeted in my seat so much I thought it would only be a matter of time before the woman sitting behind me cracked me across the head with her programme. When I spoke to her later to apologise she said she hadn't noticed me because after two hours she had lost all feeling in her behind and was squirming around while praying for a power cut. (A situation they had in a Manchester theatre recently just before the second act began. The show didn't go on and a refund was given. I wish somebody would have pulled the plug at the Queen's so I could have claimed my £133.00 back.)
Obviously, millions of people love this show, but millions hate it, too. And that's not a bad thing, you just need to keep a sense of perspective about these things. If you are thinking of buying tickets just be aware that Les Misérables has probably attracted more hype than any other show. If, like me, you don't like musicals in general, don't buy tickets for this based upon reviews or word of mouth (25 years is a long time to hype something) because you'll end up with a numb bum, pins and needles in your legs and a big hole in your wallet - oh, and you'll hate it, too.
On the other hand, if you love musicals and you can sit still for three hours...go and see it. Then, like my wife, take great pleasure in telling me I'm completely wrong!
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